I don't know what the answer is. Over 2 years have passed and I feel, well, I know I AM the worse mother in the world. Any of my past ideas in doing gentle parenting are just not working. I hate my days, I hate what I am... I hate myself for not being able to move on.... I hate myself for creating so many horrible feelings on my child.... I have been wanting all this time to help her grow up happy and without issues... to grow up in the complete opposite way I did... But I am just not managing... and I am messing up big time... and I do hate myself for this so, so much! Worse thing is that I just wondered if it would be better if I just sliced my wrists open, quietly... right now... No-one will notice until is too late... But I fear that Arsinoe's image of me in her memory is just going to be so ugly... both physical and personality-wise. She'll just remember someone who I know I am, but have been fighting against for so long because is not the person I want to be... Is not the person I was... I just hate myself so much!
